What you can do

IF YOU ARE IN IMMEDIATE DANGER
CALL 999
YOUR PERSONAL SAFETY IS OF PARAMOUNT IMPORTANCE
 

Call the ManKind helpline for support – 01823 334244
There are a number of things you can do to help yourself and more detail on this list can be found further below.

• Leave the relationship, if you can
• Keep a diary and tell others
• Keep documents, diary, phone and phone numbers to hand
• Report incidents to a GP
• Contact the police; ensure details are logged
• Do not retaliate

Please remember all public authorities including the police, local councils, GP’s and hospitals have to support you in the same way as they would treat a female victim.


(1) Leave the relationship, if you can

• It is important to recognise that you are not to blame, you are not weak and you are not alone. Understand that this is happening to you.
• If you are a victim of domestic abuse or domestic violence, then the person who is carrying this out does not love you and it is unlikely they will change their behaviour towards you.
• Domestic violence or domestic abuse is always about asserting power and control.
• Many men call the charity, saying that they love their partner and the partner loves them, but if that was the case the partner would not be carrying out domestic abuse or violence against them
• Your safety, both physically and mentally is of upmost importance so it is vital that you leave the relationship if you can.
• If you have children and the abuser is the mother, we realise this is more difficult, but by reporting the crime and keeping a diary (see below), this will help if you need to leave the family home, with or without your children.


(2) Keeping a diary and telling others

It is vital tell the relevant authorities about what is happening to you and keep a diary of the incidents.

• Keep a diary of incidents, noting down times, dates and witnesses, if any (also see Keep documents, diary and phone to hand).
• Tell a friend and/or family members
• Keep a photographic record of injuries.
• Report each incident to your GP or hospital – make sure they take notes of your injuries
• Report each incident to the police (including criminal damage as well as violence) and ensure you speak to the trained domestic violence police officer (all police stations have specialist domestic abuse officers or they can tell you where the nearest one is.). Either phone to make an appointment or attend the station in person. Take a friend with you, if possible. ENSURE YOU OBTAIN A CRIME REFERENCE NUMBER, INSIST ON IT.
• Take advice regarding injunctions from a reliable solicitor.
• Think about telling your employer about the problems you face. Employers are far more aware of the problem of domestic abuse than before.
• Seek help from a local council housing officer, especially if children are involved.


(3) Keep documents, diary and phone to hand

• There may be a time when you need to leave immediately, ensure you have keys with you or have them stored elsewhere.

Diary
• It may be safer to keep the diary outside of the home, with a friend, family member or at work
• After each new incident ensure it is added to your diary as soon as possible

Mobile Phone
• Keep your mobile phone with you at all times and ensure it is always charged

Documents
• Keep important documents, such birth certificate, marriage certificate, passport, driving licence, insurance documents etc, in a safe place – friends or family.


(4) Report to a GP or health professional

  • GP’s and health professionals are trained to recognise victims of domestic abuse – please confide and report to them if you are a victims.
  • Do not make excuses for any injuries

(5) Contacting the police

IF YOU ARE IN IMMEDIATE DANGER
CALL 999
YOUR PERSONAL SAFETY IS OF PARAMOUNT IMPORTANCE
 

The police have to treat you in the same way as they would treat a female victim.

Do not be put off from going to the police thinking they will not believe you and that you are weak in doing so. They will believe you.

Please follow these steps below:-

• Report each violent incident to the police (including criminal damage as well as violence), even if you do not wish to press charges
Ensure you obtain a crime reference number. Insist on it.
• Ask to speak to the trained domestic violence police officer (all police stations have a specialist domestic abuse officer or they can tell you where the nearest one is.). Either phone to make an appointment or attend the station in person.
• Take a friend with you, if possible.


 

(6) Do not retaliate, if possible

• Always try not to retaliate either physically or verbally, leave if you can or try to remove yourself to another room/place
• Notice the signs that may trigger an incident, and if so, leave.
• If you retaliate, the police might end up arresting you, rather than a wife, girlfriend or partner, even if she or he is the aggressor.